Anal aesthetics

When I'm talking about intimacy I talking about a feeling; a state of mind. Many things can bring about that special closeness. When you feel relaxed and confident in yourself and your body it's easier to attain that greater sexual bond.

Which brings me around to how a woman's most intimate parts look. We don't always see it. But I've spent many an hour examining 'down below' with a mirror (weird I know) and can appreciate what a man might see. Lets face it, the vulva is not the most attractive thing in nature. We can shave it, or even these days resort to labiaplasty, but in the end it is still really strange looking; "thrown together by a blind man out of the spare parts" as one of my friends put it. We can try and be kind about it but the reality is that it doesn't look that great.

Now, head down an inch lower. By contrast the anus is really neat looking. A simple puckered dimple. Not complicated like its nearby cousin. Beautiful, you could say.

No wonder the men I've known have had such an enduring, curious and intense interest in my ass-hole. When they spend hours playing, stroking and licking me there I can understand them full well.

Men and anal sex

What is it with men and anal sex?

Now, I realize I'm probably a little unusual for a woman in my preferences but it appears the same cannot be said for men. Every man I've ever slept with has liked it, and I believe nearly all thought it was better than vaginal. What is going on? It can't just be me attracting all the ass lovers.

When I've discreetly enquired of a few select girlfriends they've all rolled their eyes and confessed this had been something they've encountered time and again. For so many it can become a problem. While I can see that point of view, for me the whole male anal obsession is all rather sweet, funny and endearing.

When I introduced my husband to anal sex for the first time he literally shook with excitement. Afterwards as we cuddled together it was all worth it for all the love and copious compliments that flowed from his lips. Never before had he been so full on with his affection. If only it was like this all the time!

Now I understand all the reasons given, about the anus being tighter and the forbidden aspects, but what more is there? What are they thinking and feeling? Is it different from when they have other forms of sex? Or are all men different and there are other reason I hadn't thought of?

Whatever it is, for me the excitement from my lover is always a big part of why I enjoy it so much.

Am I wrong about all men being crazy for anal or have I just had a unique experience thus far?

Anal sex and taboo. Where did it all go wrong?

It is interesting to note that anal sex was not always the forbidden act that it is today. Depictions of anal intercourse in art and literature is common from around the world, from the ancient world and to the far east. The Romans and Greeks were western civilizations which commonly practised anal sex. It was not thought to be unusual at all. And most importantly was considered a valid expression of love for heterosexuals, not just homosexuals. Indeed, in times passed sex was recognised as something that could be purely for pleasure and not just procreation.

What happened?

A few thousand years ago began the rise of the great monotheistic religions. Never before had religion intruded so much into peoples sex lives. Even worse, as the religions split and diverged in competition with one another, they all sought to out-breed each other. As a consequence, of course, anal sex (which didn't result in more babies) became one of the many victims of the relentless advance of these cults.

When something becomes taboo for centuries, people become ignorant and fearful. It is this fear which today stops so many loving couples enjoying what could be one of the most intimate and  joyful of pleasures.

What makes anal sex so special?

I imagine many will look at the blog title and read my first post and raise an eyebrow. Intimate? How can that  be?

Well, I think largely that perceptions of anal sex have been unfairly colored by culture (which I'll go into in another post) which give rise to negative emotions about the subject. If you can get past or reject that reaction, then a whole new world opens up. I also don't buy into the definition of my femininity and sexuality being tied to my vagina; I feel we're way passed that 60's and 70's concept now, of those (once) radical sexual equality and sexual freedom pioneers, especially since people are able to share information so freely, and a whole spectrum of different sexualities and lifestyles are now being revealed. What I'm getting at, is that nothing is normal any more.

I'm not saying that other forms of sex aren't special or intimate, but for me nothing else makes me feel as uninhibited and as bonded and close to my partner as when I'm being taken anally. There is nothing like the anticipation, both knowing what is going to happen, the foreplay and the ritual of assuming the position, applying the lube, the relief when the head enters.

Now, although there usually isn't any eye contact and I can't see his face because he's most often behind me I still get incredibly excited by the sounds and the feeling. Maybe I'm not such a visual person. I can close my eyes and listen to his heavy breathing as he thrusts and those very deep moans which signal his enjoyment. I like his hands when they hold my waist or hips firmly, and that amazing fullness as he stretches and fills me. When he cums, the throbbing back there is wild.

More than anything though, it is the surrender I think. And the pleasure men seem to get from being allowed to do that with a woman is palpable.

I can't be alone, can I?

Why the blog?

This needs some explanation.

Since my first boyfriend back in my teens I've been enjoying anal sex. First occasionally, in my first two relationships and then when I became married it became increasingly regular, such was my husbands love of it.

To me, this particular sexual act has always been special, loving and intimate; it brings me close to my lover in a unique way. Perhaps it is the blend of surrender, submission and that slight lack of control. When I allow a man into my ass I feel this heady combination of vulnerability, yet simultaneously safe and loved. Giving such a private part of yourself is deeply arousing, as is seeing and hearing the reaction of your partner. Knowing that he wants that from you and that you can provide that pleasure for him is an enormous turn-on and empowering.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy the physical aspects of anal intercourse. I do, but I found nearly every other website out there which touches on the subject very one dimensional. Nearly all of them are written from the male point of view (where are you girls?) and are mostly how-to's or other articles with a similar focus.

So primarily, I wanted to create a blog which would celebrate this still largely unspoken and unappreciated act of love from the perspective of couples and women rather than the usual audience.

Now, I know I am unusual. Many people have a very contradictory point of view, and I realise that is mainstream. But in recent years I've sensed a slow change in attitudes, with more information and as people gently explore the sexual possibilities.

That brings me to the second purpose. To help people realize that they are not alone in liking anal sex, that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Perhaps we can share our experiences together.

Now to the last reason for starting the blog. As I stated, my husband and I have anal sex very often, more so than vaginal intercourse. My poor husband was hooked from day one (I was the first girl he ever had that way) and I must admit I didn't put up much resistance to his relentless pestering to get into my ass-hole. Now we've been married six years vaginal intercourse has gradually been on the way out, and my husband asked me recently why we even still did it at all any more. Well, I could see where he was headed! I hadn't even thought about it, but with the idea planted and curiosity piqued I thought I'd see if we were the only ones. Eventually I found a blog about a couple with their anal only lifestyle  along with (to judge from the comments) a small number of other couples who have also chosen this, and are apparently happy to have done so. That was all I could find, so if we really are a rare sort or if there is a much larger community keeping their heads down remains to be seen.

Of course, my husband didn't take much persuasion (duh!). The truth be told I'm very pleased to be seeing him so excited and at this stage I really don't think I'm going to be missing anything.

I welcome any feedback from other couples with similar experiences or lifestyle or if you are just thinking about it.